GOAL TRACKER: $19,400 total rasied
$600 remaining
SNACK TRACKER: $1,569 raised
BLOG: This is where I will write about my experiences and you can track my progress in reaching my $20K Goal.
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8/8/10
Okay, been a really long time since I blogged, but things got crazy around here, first, lets mention the oils spill, yikes. That threw a wrench into everyone's summer and certainly dampened the fund raising for Africa. Which is small beans compared to the enviromental impact we are facing. Lucky for me I was already well on my way to meeting my goal when it happend. In the meantime, it has been challenging getting my last event in. A Sunset sail. First, the boat was, well....wrecked.....I know it sounds bad. But it is a "racing" boat and apparently even in sailing "rubbing is racing". So that has been post poned. I am working on finding another boat and trying to finalize a date for the the sunset sail. It will happen, just not sure when. I am looking forward to it and this will finish my fundraising. Leave it to the last one to be he hardest. no worries, I trust it will unfold in divine time and it will be perfect and worth waiting for!
If you haven't already, check out my 2011 Costa Rica Page. This is an amazing opportunity for you to get a free trip to Costa Rica and help children at the same time. I am confident that if you want to raise $2,200 you can do it!!!! If I can do $20K, I know you can to $2,200 easy peasy!! Let me know if you are interested!! I will be doing another yard sale at my house for Costa Rica the first weekend of October.
My 2010 Destin retreat planning is in the works, Tentatively the date is set for the weekend of Oct 23rd. I will finalize the date and let all the participants know for sure and also provide a schedule of events and guest speakers for the weekend. It will be AMAZING!! I can't wait!!
See you on the mat!
Jai!
Tammy
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6/7/10
Okay I apologize, it has been a while since I posted a blog. It have been a busy month with an amazing boat cruise from the Destin Harbor aboard "Relentless". A great evening of food, wine & fun!! The boat was amazing! Laurie decorated it in animal theme print for Africa and this boat is a luxary cruiser, we were definatley cruising in style! The salon of the boat has leather seats and A/C. The food was all placed around the salon and Tommy tended "bar" outside on the back deck. It was a wonderful evening and we raised over $1,200 for OTM. Thank you all who attended! It was a perfect start to mine and Tommy's vacation and share our 17 year wedding anniversary with you all. I will never forget it!!
After the cruise we came home and went to bed to wake up early to go to Costa Rica. Little did I know this was going to me a life changing vacation. Reverbirations from this trip are still forming and I can't wait to share more info about this with you soon. Costa Rica is an AMAZING place. Magical even. I immediately feel in love with the area and the people. hint....this would be a perfect place for a yoga retreat.....2011??? Maybe???
So I am home now, and the vacation is over......ready to get back to the fundraising. Almost there!!! I can't beleive it. Looks like the last few dollars may take a while the last few events have been delayed. Was going to do a Sunset Sail and the boat got wrecked and then had another boat and then it was rained out. Guess we were not meant to go out on that sail. Will try to reschedule and set up another Sunset Sail for July if Brett's boat is repaired by then.
Tommy's Poker game was also postponed due to lack of people available, summer is here and everyone is busy right now. Also will reschedule for July.
None the less, hope to reach my goal by the end of summer, which was always my goal all along.
Not even going to start about this oil "spew". It is just making me so, so sad. That is all I can say about that. : (
To end on a positive note...... I love Costa Rica!! Memories of green trees and mountains, warm breezes and cool mountain air. A lush beautiful place and the people were beautiful too, inside and out! Thank you Costa Rica for renewing my spirit! I am ready for the rest of this challenge and inspired for my next one in 2011.
5/10
We just received the details of the projects we will be doing in February, 2011. Looks like a lot! Almost of overwhelming.....kinda like raising $20K. I have faith we can do it!
It has been a decade or more since Africa as a whole was struck by the devastating HIV/AIDS pandemic. Shifting the focus down to South Africa, statistics around HIV/AIDS transmission had been growing dramatically to a point that South Africa had been marked as the most country with the highest HIV/AIDS infection rate. During the initial stages of the pandemic the focus was only around one high risk group, the adults: woman and man. As time passed on, gradually there was a great yet fundamental shift as the number of woman victims increased plus this caused a significant shift to the society at large. Because the emphasis has always been largely based upon adults, it has taken many years to understand the devastating effect HIV/AIDS has had on children’s lives.
YouthAIDS is an HIV/AIDS education and prevention initiative that raises much needed funding for HIV AIDS awareness programs across the globe. YouthAIDS programs offer creative interventions that are appropriate to the specific health needs and cultural settings of each country in which it works.
IN THE FIELD
The OTM group will be hosted by Peer Educators and will observe Interpersonal Communication discussion. This will give a broad overview of the HIV/AIDS pandemic and how it affects the youth and how the youth are responding to the challenge. We will be part of a street campaign showing cases how YouthAIDS reaches youth that are out of school and how they mobilize community members to get tested for HIV. Then the OTM group will observe and participate in a clinic talk campaign targeting sexually active youth particularly females. We will travel to the YouthAIDS door to door condom distribution campaign site. Individuals will be paired with the Peer Educations then go door to door distributing condoms and IEC information. We will also be able to observe YouthAIDS radio talk show at radio Zibonele, Khayelistsha.
FUNDING
$50K
EARTHCHILD PROJECT
The Earthchild Project focuses on the holistic development of children, teachers, schools and communities. Their aim is to create meaningful and sustainable change by providing practical skills in how to live a more balanced and fulfilling life with a focus on self-awareness, health and wellness, and the environment.
IN THE FIELD
We will work with Earthchild Project visiting one of their schools and participate in the Children’s Yoga Club. They also have a large organic vegetable garden and worm farms which are maintained by the children. Alongside the children, we will be working in the gardens and transforming them into a self sustainable training and resource center. We will be accompanied by other local yogis. FUNDING
$25K (SUBJECT TO CHANGE)
SOUTH AFRICAN WHOLE GRAIN BREAD PROJECT
The South African Whole Grain Bread Project aims to establish community-based micro bakeries to produce fresh, high quality, whole grain bread to improve the nutrition of health-compromised and malnourished adults and children. The bread will help satisfy the dietary needs of malnourished HIV/AIDS positive individuals who need to improve their health in order to allow retroviral drugs to work effectively. In addition to the health objectives, the baking initiative has been designed as a small business/ social development project that will encourage income generation opportunities for South Africans living with HIV/AIDS.
IN THE FIELD
We will be funding the construction of the OTM Bakery that will be built prior to our arrival. During the trip, we will have a number of opportunities to work alongside members of the local community, baking and distributing bread to the local townships.
FUNDING
$50K
GOLD PEER EDUCATION DEVELOPMENT AGENCY
GOLD is a dynamic not-for-profit organization playing an important role in the transformation of under-served communities in South Africa, Botswana and Zambia. GOLD (Generation of Leaders Discovered) is rolling out a strategic long-term youth peer education model that focuses on equipping youth to help education in difficult circumstances and to promote the holistic well being of their peers and ultimately their communities in a structured and sustainable manner.
IN THE FIELD
We will be working closely with select peer educators and providing them with the resources to develop and implement one community based project in the course of 2011 that responds to identified needs of the community. Each community is different and the peer educators will tackle their chosen issue through a contextually relevant project. The types of projects they might initiate include the following:
- Planting a food garden to feed local orphans and vulnerable children. This will address food insecurity, which is a root cause of many youth risk factors and a primary reason for under performance at school and is in turn fuelling HIV and AIDS.
- Painting/renovating a local service centre like a clinic, school or community hall.
- Setting up homework clubs for younger children where peer educators do homework with the younger learners and feed them.
- Regularly creating food parcels – buying food and making up food parcels to give to the poorest of the poor in their communities, especially those with HIV/AIDS.
- Starting support groups for teenage moms – for this you need a venue.
- Sanitary products distribution - Starting a girls-in-school outreach where the peer educators buy sanitary products and hand these out regularly to girls in schools. Recent research has shown that poor girls can miss up to 5 days a month on school because they can not afford sanitary products and are embarrassed to go to school.
$50K
LINAWO CHILDRENS HOME
Linawo Children’s Home is a residential home that cares for abandoned, neglected and orphaned children as a result of substance abuse, poverty and/or HIV/AIDS. Included in this group are children with disabilities and HIV. Linawo Children’s Home is currently situated in Khayelitsha, Cape Town although they are trying to purchase property so at to provide the children a stable and secure home. The Home was started in 2002 by Ivy Konisi who was involved in her church’s outreach ministry to the community and discovered that there were children who were abandoned and lacked proper care in their homes. Some parents were abusing alcohol and gave no attention to their children's welfare. While other parents needed a haven for their children because they were either suffering from illnesses or their circumstances were not suitable for raising children. Linawo currently provides temporary and permanent residential, physical and emotional care for 15 children between the ages of 1 and 12 years. Care will continue until the children are 18 years of age when we hope to further support them through tertiary/higher education. Education funds have been started for this purpose. The long term mission of the home is not merely to provide food and shelter for children but to rehabilitate their lives and develop good and honest characters so that they can become adults how make an effective contribution to our society. Their vision is to have a number of satellite homes in different communities around the country where not more than 20 children are cared for on one premises so as to maintain a family environment. IN THE FIELD
In addition to providing funding for the acquisition of a new home, we will be spending quality time with the children doing yoga, art and music, skill sharing and other activities.
FUNDING
$25K (SUBJECT TO CHANGE )
WENDE RABO (WILL OF GOD) HALFWAY HOUSEThe Wende Rabo project will construct a recovery house that will allow young people to begin the process of reintegration with society, whilst providing monitoring and support, creating livelihood opportunities by providing education as well improving capacities for young people. Creation of a farm residence will assist youth who have left highly structured institutions to adjust to and reenter society and live within its accepted norms and standards as well being capable of independence. 18 and 21 year olds who are at risk may be released to facilities of this kind located within the community and usually with no security other than supervised regimen of sign-in, sign-out, and curfew rules. The halfway house provides a supervised and restricted environment in which to ascertain the young Adults/youth’s ability to form a productive life in society. IN THE FIELD
We will provide funding for the recovery house and visit with the occupants for two days of intense interaction and skill sharing.
FUNDING
$50K
4/18
Garage Sale was wildy successful!! $1,434 raise in two weekends. Thank you to all who donated!! I have found out along the way that this challenge is not just about raising money, it is actually about becoming a leader and activating your community. I was able to gather Garage Sale items from about 10 friends. With their help cleaning out their clostes and getting their items to me this fundraiser not only raised a substantial amount of money, but also showed me that one person can activatie a community to come together for a cause.
A great big THANK YOU to all that donated items!!
4/15
Oh, the fun of Garage Sales........ I have been gathering items for my garage sale for the past 2 weeks. My garage is now FULL and smells like the Goodwill. : )
It makes me smile to look into the sea of stuff in my garage and know that I can turn someones junk into an opportunity or even a miracle for a child in Africa. All these garage sale items also remind me of the abundance that we have in America and reminds me to count my blessings. The garage sale is officially this saturday 4/17, however my neighbor had theirs this past weekend and we piggybacked onto theirs and made $600 last weekend. We now have even more items, so I hope that we make even more this weekend. The weather is going to be perfect and I bet God will help me too!
Also, the Restorative Yoga at All One Yoga in FWB was a huge success!! Thank you to everyone who attended. Amy and I really enjoyed teaching together and are already looking forward to doing it again.
This week I am planning some more details of the Yoga Retreat Weekend in Destin. I am working on lining up a Kirtan band and quest speakers. It will be a GREAT weekend!
A couple of suprise in donations totaling $800 on my Birthday also topped of the AWESOME past 2 weeks.
Feeling happy and having fun. My arms are in the air above my head..... Weeeeeeee!!!!!
One Love!
4/6
This week I spok at the Emerald Coast Meditaion Group. They were very nice and open to trying new things. We prayed, chanted and meditated. It was a good evening. They helped me raise $140 as well.
This week I set a goal to get to the next thousand dollar mark. $12K!! Whooo Hoooo and I made my goal. Thanks to my FB friends, snacks and yoga class I have been teaching for charity. A successful week! Every little bit counts. I am counting my blessings for sure! Falling asleep each night counting my gratitudes! May the coming week be blessesd with Restorative at All One Yoga in FWB and gathering more donations for the Yard Sale.
I am not sure how the $3 FB challenge will turn out, so far only 4 people have donated, but I sent a reminder this week an hope to get some more $3 online love!
3/28
This week I talked to Brett at BWB Marina to arrage a Sunset Sail on his sailboat, an intimate sail with 4 other couples. I am looking forward to summer and getting out on the water with friends for a cause! It was hard for me to ask him, but he was very gracious and even offered to do it more than once if it is a success, and I know it will be!!
Even though I know that during this process when you ask people for things they may say no, it is still hard to accept when it happens, as it did this week on another ocassion, especially when it is someone in the yoga community and that I have known for as long as I have lived here in Fla. I am a little shocked, but again, I see how this challenge brings out the best in people and maybe not the best as well. I am embracing the light as well as the dark and realize that both lives within all people including myself. I am so fortunate that I have been successful so far, so that when it does happen I do not feel crushed. I know that when one door cloeses another door opens and so far the doors have been opening like magic! I am blessed! Dewey Destin has volunteered to donate food for the Destin Cruise. Yeah!!!
"The concept of God no longer frightens me, for I learned that God is truth and love and exists in all moments, light and dark, and fully within each being. God is not something to be discovered, simply uncovered, and the journey of self-awakening will be unique for each soul." – Seane Corn
3/21/10
WOW!! I am over half way!! IT FEELS GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
This has been a crazy and successful month. Unfortunately, my health is paying for it right now. I have an upper respiratory infection and laryngitis. I was hoping during this process to "find my voice" and speak my truth for change and standup for those unable to speak. But seems I have been over zealous..... My body and voice are now giving me important signs saying....slow down! Rest!! I have had no other option for the past few days. Sleep has been all I could do. But, I have gotten the message loud and clear, it is time to rest, recover and prepare for the second half of this challenge. I am in awe and amazement that I am over half way. On one had it seems like the year is going by so fast and on the other it seems like I still have it all in front of me with plenty of time to finish the $8,850 remaining. But I know it is not time to slack off. I can't let the year slip away from me. The summers around here can get slow with everyone at the beach and vacationing and then the holidays are also a challnging time to raise money just because everyone seem too busy for fundraisers, so my plan is to knock this out this spring and summer. Lots of boat cruises! Everyone here likes to be on the water and what a better way to have fun and raise some funds. I got some good ideas and looking forward to putting them into action!
2/28/10
This week I am gearing up for the Seaside Half-Marathon, selling necklaces there next weekend. I am amazed at how far I have come so far on my fundraising and am so blessed to have the support. I am also blessed to have the time and ablility to work on this project. It is time consuming and all consuming. I am sure my friends, fb friends and family are tired of hearing about it.....but the sonner I reach my goal, the sooner, I can stop talking about all the projects and fundraisers. I am experiencing SEVA, selfless service, everyday. It is rewarding and I am happy. I have always liked a challenge and I am realizing new things about myself everyday. I am strong and strong willed, I am steadfast, I like to keep focused and keep busy, but at the same time, I must remember to do the practices that center me, such as meditation and prayer. I am nourised and so blessed. I have truly nothing to worry about in general, yet I find myself worrying..... I am watching this all unfold and it is interesting. I am learning faith, courage, unconditional love, did I mention faith?. I hope to find my voice to express myself fully and be able to learn the skills to relay what I see in S. Africa back to those who care and create more awareness locally for those who are unaware and do not care, yet. I pray that when time is here, I am ready. The time is now.
2/21/10
Had a great weekend of Fundraising $1,111 raised on Saturday with Vinyasa and Restorative Class at Whole Life Yoga in Navarre, raising $660 and then Tommy's Poker Tournament in the evening raising $461. AMAZING!! A successful weekend and it was fun too!! I just passed $8,000 and it feels GOOD! I have lots of other events planned this year and I an confident that I can keep this up! I am getting stronger and feeling more supported my my friends, family and by God. When I began this process, I knew that I would have to rely on God A LOT! Some things seem just too big to do alone.....all things are better with Gods help. I am feeling an increasing awareness that I am on the right path and am doing exactly what I am suppose to being doing and the universe spins effotlessly. This weekend was great and to finish it off, there was a beautiful full double rainbow over my house. I have to know this is a sign, all is well and life is bliss!!!! God is smiling....I hope I had something to do with that. Did I mention the amount raised? 1111.......
2/14/10
The 2009 OTM Team is in Uganda right now. I am following their blog and they are having some pretty intense experiences. Below is the link for you to go read their incredible stories. http://offthematintotheworld.wordpress.com/
I hope that I can be as strong as these girls are being. I am not sure how I would handle some of the situations that they are describing. It is truly when we are tested that we find our strength. I hope that when I am faced with moments of despair, sadness, and fear that I can breathe and stay present and do what needs to be done.
2/7/10
MY OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF INTENT: (signed today. It is official!!!!)
I, Tammy Binkley, commit to taking the Off the Mat, Into the World® Global Seva Challenge 2010 because I want to be a leader for change in my community and in the world.
I intend to raise $20,000 or more to help fund and build health and education programs that will provide tools and resources for the prevention of HIV/AIDS. If I reach the goal, I will journey with OTM to South Africa in February of 2011 to make a difference in the lives of children and to change my life.
The reason this journey is important for me is: It is my desire to be a leader for change in my community and an inspiration for others to reach for a dream that seems impossible. I want to step out of my everyday life and do something that takes hard work and sacrifice for another, a complete stranger, so that I may remember how blessed I am and that I have the means to give and work for change and that others will see that they can do the same.
My personal hope for the year is: That I will grow in my practice and in my faith. That I will open my eyes and my heart to love, not just to the comfortable parts of my life, but also to the uncomfortable and the unkown.
I will step forth into this challenge in an act of SEVA, with the highest intention of making a permanent difference. I will rise up as a leader, with the support of my community, educating those around me and emerging from this experience as a more loving individual committed to taking action and creating positive change.
Namaste,
Tammy
I spent this past weekend in San Francisco at the Yoga Journal Conference. It was an AMAZING weekend! Lots of ideas, breakthroughs and inspirations! I always love going to SF, but the weekend of the yoga conference is truly special. We get to hang out all weekend with a few hundred like minded people all there, to be happy healthy and spread that to the comminuty and to the world. Very inspiring! I met lots of new friends and saw some old ones too. It is nice to go to a city where we feel like home and know so many sweet people. What a great weekend! I did sell a few necklaces at the conference, not quite as many as I had planned, but still raised a few dollars. I gave Seane and Suzanne a the necklaces I made for them and Seane really liked hers and said "I'll be seeing you in Africa!" and I can't wait!!!!!! (see pic below) This already has been a great year and I look forward to lots more fun and FUND raising. I am at the $5,000 raised mark now and it feels GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you to all my friends, clients, students and family for their support!!!!!!!!!
1/25/10
This week has been GREAT! I have been looking for ways to "work" for money to go towards the charity. I offered to do private yoga sessions as "seva" and GOD answered! I picked up three private yoga session this week. As of now, I will be doing these three sessions weekly for the charity. This will be about $170 per week that I will be able to put towards the $20K goal. That is GREAT!!!!!!!! This will be a way to off set the charity fundraisers that I will not be able to do at the gym as I originally planned. Even though a select few tried to slow me down, it actually gave me steam!! One one door shuts, another door opens! Thank you universe! Who is to say what is good or what is bad..... I thought not talking about the charity at the gym would be a bad thing.....but turns out, it is for the best. I was able to meet two new wonderful people for private sessions and get to see another student every week once again. NICE!! THANK YOU!!
1/15/10
Below is a response from Suzanne Sterling from Off The Mat addressing issues that were raised by a select few individuals. I hope this will help answer the questions that were raised and also clear up any confusion. I am confident in this orginization and support them 100%. This is why I am taking the challenge with them and I am more determined than ever to make a difference and to work within my community to raise awareness regarding unity, compassion, and most importantly tolerance.
Dear Tammy,
I was recently made aware of the challenges that you have been facing with backlash from a select few in your community regarding your involvement in the Seva Challenge and with OTM's affiliation with Engage Network. I am sure that this has been very unsettling for you and want to give you some more information so that you can respond to these kinds of inquiries to the best of your abilities.
I will say that the response that you did give to this person was very well stated and quite accurate actually. It is very true that we are not in the business of politics or government here, but in the business of service. And, as you so deftly stated, not everyone will agree on what are the most important social issues or injustices - or even the best way to go about being of service. Our goal at OTM, and yours as well it seems, is to offer humanitarian services to those communities that are suffering from genocide, war, poverty, disease and the very basics needed for survival and education.
We are specifically non-partisan. In fact this year, we created a voter initiative for yogis that was non- partisan, non biased and JUST wanted to make sure the yoga community voted in the elections. We (the OTM team members) most certainly have our own ideas and opinions regarding social issues and the possible political changes that we would like to see take place, but we DO NOT force these on anyone in our trainings or fundraising inititatives. Our goal is to help others to be informed and involved, find their own purpose and to serve whatever causes or populations they feel passionately about. That is it!
Furthermore, absolutely NONE of our budget or funds raised go toward any other of the organizations of the Engage Network. Yes, Engage is our "parent" organization, but we operate independently in terms of our decisions, curriculums and fundraising initiatives. The Engage Network does affiliate with "liberal" social champions but also on the other hand, based it's structure of small groups for social change and activation on the teachings of Rick Warren and the Purpose Driven Church.
I also urge you to look at the work of Van Jones who has been creating new jobs in a struggling economy while also supporting sustainable and green solutions that are so desperately needed for a viable energy future. He was not fired by the Obama Administration but decided to resign after all the hype around one of his quotes. See for yourself what he has been creating and please make your own decision about that.
We are not "hiding" our involvement with Engage and in fact DO include our affiliation on our website and even as part of our logo. It is simply that we create our own programs and keep our initiatives and funding quite separate from theirs.
I think that it will be an interesting challenge for you to continue to find ways to involve your community and also to find ways to communicate these important distinctions and questions: how do we differentiate service from our social and political opinions? Can we show up and serve those who are suffering without really understanding the forces that are at work creating that suffering? How far back through a cultural history do we need to go in order to find the "causes" that are at the root of suffering? What about us can simply show up without an agenda beyond being fully present and loving?
These and many more questions are ones that we ask our selves and ask of our participants. It is an incredible opportunity to really examine our own opinions and deep seated beliefs. I urge you to use the challenges of the Challenge (that have already shown up for you in this way) as a vehicle for your own growth and evolution as a communicator and leader who can motivate her community to take action. As you said in your letter, most people who practice yoga do eventually get to the point where they want to share their own peace and growth with others. It IS always good to give to others and it is also good to be clear on our reasons for doing so.
Please know that we on the OTM team will support you in any way that we can in this process. We have just started a new FB page for all those involved in the 2010 Challenge and I think that you will be able to enter into some deep discussions with fellow participants and also to find support in the challenges and fears that you might be facing. We also have a twice monthly phone call to discuss questions and problems, and also have a mentor program with those who have been involved with the Seva Challenge over the last two years.
Here is the link to joining the FB page:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/OTM-Global-Seva-Challenge-2010-South-Africa/252509397210?v=wall&ref=sgm
The 2010 Seva Challenge will be focusing specifically on HIV/AIDS prevention and education programs, as well as supporting schooling and care for orphaned children in South Africa. I urge you to become informed on your own about the issues and the populations we will be serving and interacting with. This personal connection with people and culture is the very key to being able to stay inspired and to inspiring others to contribute.
I hope that this helps and gives you some insight about how you might be able to move forward and include your community in your efforts. We are so grateful for your involvement and participation and look forward to more inner/outer adventures in the coming year.
Blessings Suzanne and the OTM Team
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Sometimes other people can say it better that I can:
Quote I like at the moment:
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well… To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Week 11 1/9/10
This week has been a challenging week. I have been challenged on my beleifs and my intentions. Even in our darkest hours we are given a gift. The person that has challenged me is teaching me how to find my voice and my strength and also more about the charity orginization as well. So although it was not a fun process to be challenged and face opposition ..... I am happy that it happened and I received a gift this week. I feel stronger and more committed to my goal!!
Hot Yoga this week raised $165.
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The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa
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"To action along are you entitled, never to its fruit. Let not the fruit of action be your motive. Neither let there be any attachment to inaction. Abiding in Yoga, do your work without attachment and with being balanced in success or failure. Balance is called Yoga." Bhagavad Gita
IDEA FOR YOU:
A participant in the challenge (one of my yoga students had a great idea as a way for her to participate and make a substantial contribution. She talked it over with her family and they agreed for the next year to give up caller id and call waiting in order to donate money to the challenge. She is also giving up pedicures for a year to put that money toward the challenge too! Giving up just a couple of small things can make such a big difference! With this commitment, she was able to give $550 toward her personal goal. I am so impressed and touched by this act of sacrifice, service and generosity. Now, WHAT WILL YOU DO? The possiblities are endless...............
Week 10: 1/4/10
This week started off on a good foot. Restorative Yoga Class to benefit OTM. $230 raised and lots of happy souls floating home to start their new year in peace. In the next couple of weeks, I am looking to get some commitments from other yogis willing to help me sell necklaces. Only 55 necklaces @ $20 each will make the personal goal of $1,000. I have persoanlly sold 40 necklaces in the past 3 weeks, so I feel this is a doable goal for those wanting to help.
When I was starting this in 2009, it seemed like so far away....I have a whole year to raise money....now that January 2010 is here.....I feel like OMG!!! I need HELP!!!! How am I going to do this??????
Breathe.....it will be fine....you got this......you can do it....... I am listening to the positive voice.....
Thank you Branda Reed for joining the challenge!!!! I am feeling the love!!!!!!
Week 9: 12/28/09
Phew, the last couple of weeks have been busy ones. My fingers are sore from making necklaces. I am making a deposit of $275 profit from necklace sales in the past 2 weeks. I am super excited that I have now raised my first $1,000!!!!! Yea!!!! Thank you to everyone who bought necklaces and donated cash to the cause. It is going to be a great new year! I am looking forward to the $20K challenge and I am going to predict that I reach my goal early.
Week 8: 12/20/09
Tis the season........lots of parties and festivities. In between, I have been making "be the change" necklaces. They are so cute! I am selling them $15 for one, $25 for two. So far I have sold 8. Everyone likes them, I think they will sell well and be a great fundraiser! Candlelight yoga went really well, about $213 in donations and $60 in necklaces. For our little studio in Niceville, I think this was a hit! LET THE NECKLACE PRODUCTION BEGIN!! Thank you to all that came to the candlelight class, it was an amazing night with beautiful live music.
Week 7: 12/13/09
It is in the moments of not doing that I start to feel anxiety that I may not be able to meet my $20K goal and that my challenge to local students will not be supported. I have been doing less this past week mostly due to the holidays. I am in a holding pattern until after Christmas as so many people are stressed and overwhelmed with the holidays working towards a charity goal is not on peoples minds right now. In the meantime I am working on the acceptance of abundance and prosperity that I will be supported by the higher power. I trust that in January I will have the opportunity to get me info out to more people and get some comitments from those who want to participate in the fundraising and the retreat.
A big THANK YOU to the people who have donated money so far this month:
Week 6: 12/6/09
Last night I received a $25 donation at The Closet Swap/Dragonfly Yoga Christmas Party. This morning I went to Balance Yoga on 30-A and met Kelli Precourt and took her awesome vinyasa class. Afterwards we discussed ways that the yoga students on 30-A could participate in my Local Seva Challenge. I look forward to more classes at Balance Yoga and planning a Yogathon for the 30-A yoga peeps. The plan for this week it to finish the design of my Seva T-Shirts and plan the Bluewater Fitness Kickoff. In the meantime lots of Christmas Parties to attend and merry making in progress.
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I just wanted to post this picture of me and Seane Corn. She is such an inspiration to me and to the yoga community. Her work and passion is so important right now with the world in the situation that it is in. Her willingness to speak her truth in such a powerful and meaningful way inspires other to do the same and take action!
Week 5: 11 /30/09____________________________________________________
I just watched the movie Blood Diamond. Very good movie about a very horrible situation in the diamond industry. Makes me never want to buy a diamond again, in fact, I probably never will. Such a shame what people will do for money. This movie exposes in harsh reality the bloodshed in Africa over these shiny rocks. Also, I was not aware of child soldiers until I started reading about Africa a few weeks ago, I did not know that they existed, for some reason, they don't show them on CNN....... Anyway apprently there are still about 200,000 child soldiers in Africa and this movie shows how they are treated and taken from their families. It is an eye opener, you should rent it
This week the snacks have started to turn a profit....yea!
I am placing donation collection containers at All One Yoga, Dragonfly & Barefoot Yoga.
Dragonfly Yoga is having their Christmas Party Saturday night. I will place my collection container there in hope of gaining some supporters!! Yippee!
Week :11/23/09___________________________________________________________
Oh no!!! This week did not start off good. We were robbed!! And the thief took my snack money earnings for the week!!! I am sadened and upset for my little bit of charity money that has disappeared. It is so sad. I am trying to find compassion for the robber and understand how this economy has forced people to do such terrible things as to steal from others. The person that did this must also be feeling sad, because someone who steals could not possibly feel good about themselves. He must be miserable right now too. I pray for God to help him and to help us forgive him.
Week 3: 11/16/09______________________________________________________
This week I implemented selling snacks this week. They are snacking like crazy!! So far, so good! My goal is to raise $2,000 from snacks.
Also this week I have vacillated between no problem, I can do this and OMG, how on I going to do this....... meanwhile, the ideas are still brewing on how I can raise the money and fundraisers. I have about 20 ideas for events, now the devil is in the details.
I am feeling a little nervous that I bit off more than I can chew, but lucky for me I have great friends and support!
Week 2: 11/9/09_______________________________________________________
I am on fire!!! I have so many ideas, I really think I can do this. I have talked to my friends and family about this and everyone thinks I can do it. I had to ask the people closest to me first, if I was crazy or did they really think I could possibly raise $20K and the answer was a resounding YES! "You can do anything you put your mind too." and I believe them!!
So far, people have been very supportive and been most generous with ideas. Neil gave me the idea of selling snacks at the salon, awesome idea! I am going to do that for sure!
Trisha Rennike has already donated $100 to me to get me started. She is an amazing woman and an inspiration to me.
I am feeling inspired and totally supported by the universe.
Week 1: 11/2/09________________________________________________________
Why am I doing this, I ask myself...........
There comes a time in your life when you feel the need to do something more. Maybe I am just getting old or maybe the Yoga Practice is having it's way with me. Regardless, the time spent on my yoga mat has changed me. I have no children of my own to worry about or care for, nieces & nephews are grown up or have great parents taking good care of them. When you've given back to your community and you now want to reach further, beyond borders. I have always liked a challenge and never taken the easy road, and always liked to travel, but never thought it would be to Africa.
Yoga has brought me to a place of deep contentment & happiness in my life. I have spent the last 10 years working on myself, not to say I couldn’t use another 10 years of work, but I feel that from this contentment I have reached a point in my life where SEVA or Selfless Service is calling. I met an advocate for humanitarian causes: Seane Corn, at The power to The Peaceful in San Francisco in 2008. On more than one occasion, I've heard her speak about her cause. This year in particular, her words struck a cord in me, I had to act. I answered the call: I'm going to raise money for impoverished children in Africa. $20, 000 sounds like a lot of money, and I was first afraid that I could not do it, and why would someone want to travel to the most impoverished part of Africa anyway? I pondered that very question, thought about how dangerous it might be, and decided, how hard can it be? I'll do some events, solicit some corporate donations and have fun doing it. Now fear has kicked in, will people attend my events? Do I know enough people? Will they be generous? Will I soon lose interest because it's not all happening now? Then I step onto my mat, whether I'm teaching or doing my own personal practice, and a sense of peace overcomes me. I offer up my practice to the less fortunate and give thanks to the universe. I trust that things will turn out the way they are supposed to, and if I don't get to Africa this time around, I'll have met some great people, learned a lot about fundraising for charity and will look forward to doing it all again next year (maybe).
August 2007
I was in the middle of a garbage dump in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I was standing on a mound of crap, covered with flies, with my hand over my nose to try to block the smell. I was speaking through a translator to a group of children that lived at the garbage dump pretending to be engaged, but really I just wanted out. My breath was short and I was getting anxious. I kept thinking about how sad and unfair life can be and how hopeless the circumstances are. I was thinking about our government and how quickly we trade a life for a life. I was thinking about the corrupt Cambodian government and the incomprehensible genocide that happened here to have put these people in this situation.
Just in that moment, I felt a small hand take mine and I looked down to see a young boy looking up at me. He looked to be around eight, but like all the children, he was severely underdeveloped and was probably closer to thirteen. He was filthy, of course, and his head was covered in rags for protection from the scorching sun. Rather than asking me for anything, he just held my hand and watched my face, looking straight into my eyes. Then he squeezed my hand and smiled. It was the first time I saw a child smile in that place. We just looked at each other, him smiling and me probably looking confused, though I felt oddly calm. It was such a curious moment of connection between he and I. Finally, I smiled back at him. Asking for nothing, not saying one word, he nodded his head just a little bit before he let go and walked away.
I watched his little body as he walked off and then realized that he had placed something in my palm. I turned my hand over to see what it could be…
I went to Cambodia to serve. I went hoping to facilitate change and be a part of the healing and growth of an oppressed culture. I went to give, but in this moment I was the one who received an unimaginable gift. I was left transformed by all I saw and by all who offered me their wisdom and light. Some moments in this life take your breath away, open your soul, and break your heart.
This was my moment.
CAMBODIAN CHILDREN’S FUND
I had gone to Phnom Penh to meet with my friend Scott Neeson, who runs the Cambodian Children’s Fund. This fund created five local orphanages that provide shelter, food, medical attention, and an education for over 400 children. Scott not only raises the money for these orphanages, but runs them as well. He has been a dedicated champion to these exploited children by creating a safe and structured environment for both their education and healing.
It was important for me to visit Scott and experience the work he’s doing in Cambodia. Scott had been a student of mine in Los Angeles and gave up everything in his world, including a powerful Hollywood position as President of Fox International, to help save the lives of and empower the children of Phnom Penh. He walked away from material success and comfort and used his talents and skills to be of service in a way that would be unimaginable to most. Scott received a call for change that spoke to his soul. Unlike many, he chose to answer that call, even though it brought him to an unfamiliar world with impossible circumstances. I was fortunate to witness this call because it happened in front of me, on the floor of a yoga room in Mexico.
Scott was your typical over-worked, hyper-motivated, type A personality. He would come to class and do extra push-ups between his poses. Beet-red and rushed, he’d whip through his practice and approached yoga with the same determination and effort that he brought to everything in his life.
It was when Scott went on a retreat with me in 2001 that I witnessed something that I could have never imagined possible. One afternoon, Scott was in pigeon pose and as I spoke aloud about the path of healing and truth, I watched his body shake and crumble. He began to release tears.
Afterwards, Scott asked if we could go for a walk. We walked towards the ocean and he said that he had a clear epiphany while in that pose: He hated his life and thought it had no purpose or meaning. He hated his job and thought he needed to leave the film industry. He spoke clearly, but there was a tremor in his voice as he came to grips with the enormity of his revelation. I listened and took his feelings very seriously, yet from experience I assumed he’d head back to LA, write a huge check to some organization, and then get caught up in his responsibilities, comforts, and pressures until the next yoga retreat.
It didn’t happen like that at all.
Scott decided to take time off work and travel around Southeast Asia. He found himself in Phnom Penh and was drawn to the children he saw and the poverty that was rampant in their lives. Scott knew he needed to help in some way and that this was where he needed to be. Shortly thereafter, he quit his job, sold his car and home, and used his organizational and business skills to begin the Cambodian Children’s Fund (CCF). In only a few short years, he raised millions of dollars, opened five orphanages, opened a community center, and has saved the lives of countless children and their families. He moved from a mansion in LA to a small apartment in Phnom Penh that he shared with four other men. His life there is very different from the one he had in LA and I’ve never known him to be so happy and completely fulfilled.
MEETING THE CHILDREN OF CCF
It brought me so much joy to see the orphanages for the first time. It was surreal to remember the walk on the beach and then see the smiling faces of children as the physical manifestation of Scott’s vision. He did it, I thought. He created something out of nothing and dedicated his whole spirit to make it happen. Only four years ago, these teachers, this building, the classrooms, and the opportunity for children to fill them didn’t exist. It seemed a dream to stand in the entry way, yet the surrounding laughter of children brought me firmly back to earth. I was reminded that there is still so much work to be done, and thank God there are visionaries like Scott who aren’t afraid of the challenge.
Nothing in the world is better than seeing a happy and engaged child learning, creating, and relating in a community that is loving, safe and supportive. The children were so open and delightful and shined as I went from classroom to classroom to observe them in their studies and play. The orphanages are clean, spacious, well-stocked with food, and the children are gracious and grateful. They held my hand and hugged me and asked me about my family and life over and over again. I was charmed by their curiosity and fell in love with their beautiful spirits. I was so impressed with the facilities and recognized that Scott and his staff are committed not only to educating these children, but also to reintroducing them to cultural arts that have been all but lost since the Pol Pot regime. It is an inspiring environment and I am so proud of Scott and all his efforts.
We went into Scott’s office to find it flooded with children all vying for attention. They were holding up handmade pictures for us to see, books they wanted read, or some found object they desperately needed to tell the story of. They were excitedly talking over one another and were, basically, just being kids. He knew every child by name, and called each one over to check in. I heard him say “K’nyom aj jewey nget, ban the?” over and over and each time he did they would light up and smile. I asked him what he was saying and he told me it was something that they had never heard before coming to CCF, and that it often took them a while to understand what he meant and to trust that he meant it.
He was asking, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
He said the children had no comprehension of what that meant, or that they even had the right to want or need anything, or that if they did need something, they had no expectation that someone would tend to their desires. I learned the phrase as quickly as I could.
I had told Scott that I was interested in becoming a sponsor for some children at CCF. This means that for the duration of their stay at CCF, I would pay $100 a month for their educational, housing, and medical needs and develop a relationship with the child through email and letters. I asked him to pick any two that he thought would be appropriate for me. He said that I should take my time and speak with the kids; that it would help to connect with the child and see which one resonated with me. To me, however, it didn’t matter. I was happy to have any child, but Scott suggested that we go to Steung Meanchey, the city’s garbage dump, and see if we could find a couple of children to bring back to CCF. He wanted me to see their lives before they arrived at the orphanage to better understand their journey.
“Perhaps,” he said, “you will find your child there.”
THE STEUNG MEANCHEY GARBAGE DUMP
I have been to third world countries before, and certainly spent many hours in brutally oppressive areas such as slums and brothels, so I wasn’t too rattled when Scott suggested we drive out to Steung Meanchey. This is where Scott engages closely with the families that live and work there and was where all the children at the orphanage lived before Scott brought them to CCF. I know how I react to the face of poverty and in the past I would meditate and pray before entering into any environment that I knew to be confrontational. But, on this particular day, I decided that because I was experienced in the field and knew what to expect I could just jump right in.
Right.
We pulled into a massive mountain of garbage which was one-hundred feet high and eleven acres wide. Scott led me around the periphery of the dump where the homes are linked closely side by side with corrugated metal, random pieces of wood, cardboard, Styrofoam and any other found object. There were no floors, water or electricity in these homes, having been built on top of garbage. There were men, women and children lying about in indescribable filth and I continually had to cover my face because the smell from the dump was consuming and making me nauseous. I regretted wearing flip-flops because the wet, polluted ground was oozing over the side and covering my feet in grime. People in their homes were lying together in heaps, limb over limb, brushing away flies and trying to find space to sleep. Babies were crying and small children motioned at me for food. Their faces looked haunted and broken. Many were missing teeth and had countless bruises and cuts from the abuse that is the result of there being too many children, not enough food, and frustrated, angry parents. One after another, these children averted their eyes when I looked towards them and not once did I see a smile. I thought about the beautiful children at CCF and I struggled to picture them all here in this environment. Scott had told me that while about 85% of the children sleep at CCF and see their parents on weekends, some of them actually elect to come home to the dump at night to be with their families. I couldn’t believe that they’d want to come here when they have a clean bed and water at CCF, but it did warm my heart to believe that perhaps the mothers and fathers of those children provided a level of love that couldn’t be replaced by material comforts. The children at CCF are not up for adoption. They are being provided an education and the opportunity to elevate themselves and their families. The children at CCF had a chance at creating a life for themselves that included longevity, abundance, and even success, but what about these other children? Didn’t they all deserve a future that included happiness? CCF doesn’t have the resources to provide for all of them, and I could feel a lump in my throat as my sadness and anger rose.
Scott walked me around and introduced me to the families that lived there. He knew them all by name and explained to me which child at CCF belonged to which parent. He told me that CCF often pays for their medical needs and rent to compensate for taking their children. The children are a large part of the family’s economy because they also work in the dump and bring an income into each household. Scott understands that sending a child away to be educated for their future good affects the present day circumstances of the family. As a result, the family is often resistant to letting the children go. Scott makes certain that the families don’t suffer any more than they need to and does what he can to support them. He has even provided employment at CCF to some. There is one rule that Scott has for the parents that cannot be compromised at anytime: The children can never again work in the dump as long as they’re being provided for.
Suddenly, a young woman reached out to shake my hand and I saw myself hesitate slightly before I took her hand in mine. I was aware of my disgust and my judgment of her and felt deeply ashamed. I looked away and saw an infant squat and defecate on the ground nearby. He wiped himself with his hand and put the feces directly into his mouth. There were adults nearby, but no one showed him a different way to behave or rushed to clean him up; there was no water available even if they wanted to. I put on my polite, compassionate face, but within I felt a sickening revulsion for these people and their predicament. I wanted to leave and go back to my five-star hotel and be alone in my pity and disgust.
Scott suggested we head back to the truck and unload the food that we had brought. I was aware that we were being trailed by some children and that other families were peeking through their doorways at us in curiosity. I reached into the back of Scott’s truck and lifted out a small bottle of soymilk and turned towards the children. Upon seeing the soymilk in my hand, Scott and I were suddenly rushed by children in all directions. I was pushed back against the truck and looked out at the crowd and into the eyes of what suddenly seemed to be about 100 children. I could feel their desperation and hunger, and was overwhelmed by the feel of their little hands pulling at my clothes. I could see the animal panic in their eyes and started handing bottles and food out as quickly as I could. I realized that we only had enough food to feed one-third of the children that were screaming at me and it was breaking my heart trying to decide if I should give the food to the starving four-year-old shouting at me, or perhaps the six-year-old holding the hand of another small child, or perhaps the pregnant mother carrying an infant in her arms. I shook inside with sadness and grief and I had to stop looking at their faces. I just stared ahead and randomly handed out food and milk without making any eye contact or connection at all.
SHRY HENG
After we were done giving out the food, Scott led me to a shack where I saw a young girl sitting on the ground near her mother’s feet. The mother was in the last stages of her pregnancy and was lying with her legs spread apart on the dirt floor. She was naked from the waist up. Her head was bandaged and blood was seeping through. As Scott and I approached, she made a feeble attempt to cover herself, but was too weak to complete the task. The girl covered her mother’s breasts with an old cloth. A man got up off the floor as Scott moved towards the mother, who Scott told me was her husband. He then said that the husband is an alcoholic and beats his wife and children. His wife was bandaged because he had hit her over the head with a hammer a few days before. They had had twelve children. Seven of them had died. The little girl at her feet was the oldest and had to take care of her four surviving siblings because the mother could no longer work. Scott thought she might have been around nine years old. He had been trying to get the father to allow him to bring her to CCF, but he refused. He wanted money. He essentially wanted to sell her, but that is illegal. Scott hoped my presence would make some kind of difference.
I approached the child and asked for her name. She told me it was Shry Heng. She had dark circles under her eyes and she seemed to have the weight of the world on her. I wanted so badly to lift her spirits.
“Hey,” I said, hoping to make a connection, “you have a scar through your eyebrow, just like me!”
She looked at my eyebrow quickly and then hurriedly stood and walked away just as I realized my error. Hers was not just like mine. Not even close. Had I looked closer, I would have seen the fresh blood and the other open wounds and scars on her face. This child had been terribly beaten. I watched her squat to rub her mother’s feet. I felt inadequate and foolish on top of everything else. I turned and looked helplessly at Scott who was speaking with the father. The father kept shaking his head and Scott gestured for me to come near, so I did, but my revulsion and anger towards this man made it impossible for me to meet his eyes. I kept glancing back toward Shry Heng, but she had disappeared into herself looking out towards the center of the dump. I felt like I had failed her as we walked away.
Scott felt discouraged that the father wasn’t budging and I could see he was in torment over Shry Heng’s future. I wondered how Scott managed to keep his center and not be overwhelmed, depressed and defeated by the struggle and challenges that he faced each day. He was so far from his family and support systems and was witnessing the results of a strategic cultural cleansing. Thirty years ago, the Pol Pot regime deliberately targeted the educated population of Cambodia. Doctors, poets, scientists, professors, and artists were all taken from their families and killed so as to create a subservient culture more easily controlled without resistance. Millions were gone. These children were the offspring of the poor and illiterate men and women that remained. I knew Scott’s intention wasn’t just to feed a child, but to provide that child with an education. Perhaps his work would help to develop the next generation of educated men and women and empower them to lead Cambodia into becoming a thriving and inspirational culture once again. How did he manage to stay positive, when I felt do discouraged in just one single afternoon?
Scott wanted me to see more, so he had me change my shoes and put on thick rubber boots for protection. The children then led us into the dump. We were walking on thousands of tons of waste including paper, clothes, broken glass, needles, rancid food, toxic waste, and shit. The children told me how they often find body parts because the local hospitals used this dump as well. Scott whispered into my ear how sometimes the children find the bodies of abandoned babies and that they have a small area where they will bury them. Most of the children were barefoot or had on a random flip-flop or shoe. I could see that some of their feet were bleeding and had filthy rags tied around them as makeshift bandages. They held onto my hand and guided me through odd paths that cut through the mountain of garbage. They led me to walk on specific paths so that I didn’t fall into one of the dozens of sinkholes, where I could be sucked under like quick sand, and where many of the children often drown. Scott told me that only 27% of the children that work in the dump survive. Besides sinkholes, there is the everyday danger of being run over by one of the many huge dump trucks that roll in and out of the area. They also die of dehydration, infections, disease, and malnutrition. While some of these children live with their families, others have been abandoned and live alone, running the risk of being taken from the dump by pimps and sold into prostitution. All the children, Scott told me, work tirelessly at the dump, some as young as three years old, to collect metal and plastic for recycling. They make about thirty cents a day. Most have no education and have other duties besides working, like scouring the dumps for food to feed their brothers and sisters.
I stood in the center of this massive field and could see small bodies all around me digging aggressively into piles of trash for any treasure that might bring some value. One by one, little kids kept edging up to me gesturing for water or food. I had none. I looked for Scott and saw he was cleaning out a child’s wounded foot and applying a new bandage. He was smiling and chatting while he mended the child. I knew he was asking questions and trying to access this child’s situation to see if he could bring him to CCF. I wanted to take them all. Why couldn’t we take them all? How could Scott bring me here and suggest I pick a child when every single one of them needed help?
This environment was the result of governmental corruption and I thought about the genocide that is happening in Darfur today. I thought that history was once again repeating itself and that we are not doing enough to stop it. I thought about the abused prostitutes I had worked with in India and the countless number of people I have met who are dying of AIDS. I thought about the adolescent female prostitutes I taught in Van Nuys, CA, who wore engagement rings from their pimps as a sign of their “love.” I thought about Shry Heng and wondered if she would ever know joy. I thought about God. Why are some so blessed and others so denied? If everything happens in life to evolve the soul, if all moments are synergistic and ultimately lead us to union, where was evidence of it in this horrific place? My mind was racing, but I kept asking myself two things over and over: “Where is God here?” and “How do I serve this?” How the fuck was I supposed to serve this?
THE BOY
I waved the flies away from my mouth and eyes in futility, surrounded by about fifty children all needing attention, all needing food, all needing water. The translator was telling me which ones had parents, which ones were the head of the household because the parents were both dead, which ones had been abandoned there to fend for themselves. The rage was readable on my face. I could feel that the children had some expectation of me. They think I’m here to do something, anything, to help them. I wanted Scott to come and get me and take me away.
It was in this moment that the small boy took my hand. I looked down at him and waited for him to ask me for food or water, or to study—which would mean that he wanted to go to the orphanage to learn. He said nothing, and only stared into my eyes, taking in my face. Finally, he squeezed my hand and smiled. I smiled back. He nodded his head, let go, and walked away. As he moved away from me and back to the work he had waiting for him, I realized that he had placed something in my palm.
I often find myself among unusual angels, and always, if I’m open to truth, they reveal themselves in the most extraordinary of moments and in the most unexpected of ways.
In the center of my hand was a small mound of dirt, but because of its weight I could tell there was something beneath it. I quickly broke the soil apart to reveal a bright red, heart-shaped medallion glinting in the sun. All I did was stare at the filthy charm, but my heart began to beat hard. All of the pent-up emotions stored from that day began to move through me and I lowered my head and began to cry. Of, course, I thought, of course. Staring at that small gift, I finally remembered: It’s about the love.
Squeezing the medallion tight, I looked all around me and for the first time that afternoon I became very present. The trucks were still there, as were the children bent over working slavishly, but I didn’t just see the garbage or the oppression or the abuse or the poverty. Instead, I saw the souls attached to these bodies. My heart suddenly opened to their humanity and their journey, but not with pity, judgment, nor revulsion. It opened with a sincere empathy that I knew was coming from compassion, not fear. Finally.
As a long-time yoga practitioner, I know that I have tools to use in the face of any challenge. I know how to breathe, how to stay present, and how to be non-reactive. I can remind myself to be unattached and to just be a witness, with compassion, to what is. Unfortunately, because I didn’t center myself before I came to Steung Meanchey, I brought my small self into that environment, got triggered, and shut myself down. I wasn’t in truth, I was in judgment. I got enraged, my shit came up, and I was uncomfortable at my edge. None of my tools were working, because I forgot to use them. When I became frightened and confused, I protected myself by separating from and distancing my emotions. By shutting down, I disconnected myself from every human being I came in contact with, because I wasn’t really there. This is what happens when we don’t take the time to process. We separate, we disconnect, and we stop being present. My shadow came up and my instinct was to judge and run. I couldn’t be of service. I wasn’t even in my body. I couldn’t truly be there for another being because I was seeing from my head, rather then witnessing from my heart.
I held the heart next to my own and breathed deep. I felt so humbled and consumed with gratitude towards that sweet young being. I was in crisis and he gifted me the remembrance that I wasn’t just there to feed them, I wasn’t just there to take them away to get a better life, and I wasn’t even there to serve them. He reminded me that I, we, are here for one purpose only, and that is to love. We are here to love bigger and deeper than we ever imagined possible. We are here to witness each other, dignify each other, hold each other sacred and recognize the Self as the same in each soul. Isn’t that what yoga is? To unite and to love? This is the only way in which to live this life, it is the only way in which to serve, and it is the only reason why we should ever feed a body, cure a disease, end a war, touch a hand, or guide a soul. He reminded me that beyond the filth, the poverty, the oppression, and the abuse there is only one thing that is stronger, more powerful, and has the ability to heal, and that is love.
Where was God here? It was in the eyes of every man, woman and child. It was in the filth, in the blood, in the desperation, in the poverty and in the tears. It was in my confusion and in my fear. It was in Shry Heng’s scar and in the hand that made it. It was in that small boy’s touch and his generous gift. It’s in the bringing of food, and in the faith of the journey. God is in all moments light and dark and it is up to us to look beyond the fear and recognize the light that radiates--regardless of the circumstance. When love is the guiding force, everything teaches, everything illuminates, and everything transforms.
Every moment serves.
TO SERVE WITH LOVE
I had thought that I was there to serve these children, when it was actually the children whom, that day, served me. They showed up like spiritual guides to remind me of what life is about and bring me back to my center and my truth. My work in this world is to serve, but my dharma is to do that service from a place of sincere compassion and love. To serve without love separates us from the hearts we are touching. It is this separation that creates conflict. It is this separation that creates war. I want to be a part of creating a world united by honor and love. I want a world where we live together with mindfulness and respect, celebrate diversity, share our bounties, and live free from prejudice, violence, hate, and rage. I want a world that honors all of life. This can only happen when we experience ourselves in each other. When we experience ourselves in each other, we witness the light and the love of God.
I spent the rest of that day engaging the children and their families. I didn’t see the poverty of earth, but instead saw the richness of spirit that shined deep in each soul I connected to. That young boy was the answer to my prayers.
The next morning, after speaking at length with her father, Shry Heng came to live at CCF. It was not easy to convince him. We promised him money and committed to helping the rest of his family with food and medical care. He was distrustful, but let her go. I am her sponsor. She is thriving. She writes me letters and shares her life with me. She is surprisingly forthright and honest. Scott had sent me a picture of her. She was teaching another small child how to dance. Her arms were tossed above her head and her fingers were arranged in mudras; examples of a traditional Cambodian dance. Her head was thrown back and I could tell she was laughing. The other child was staring at her in awe. I could tell she was new to the orphanage and unsure how to respond to Shry Heng’s joy. Scott told me that Shry Heng has taken her under her wing and is her mentor. Service goes around.
Last month, Shry Heng’s father died at the age of thirty-one. Scott has no idea how he died. Liver disease, perhaps. His other children just found him lying unconscious. There will be no investigation, autopsy, or funeral. Like the impoverished in third world countries everywhere, his life was forgettable and he will end up in an unmarked grave. Shry Heng wanted to leave the orphanage because there was no one at her home to work and take care of the children. I was devastated by this news. When I told my own mother the story, she wrote me a check and paid the mother’s rent for the entire year. Shry Heng stayed at school.
She is happy.